Martha's mumblings

Thursday and Friday were relaxed days. Thursday morning, we went to the airport. I had to get wanded and patted down because I forgot my id pouch had a metal chain. Dee had to be too because of her metal collar and harness and stuf. She did a good job sittting and lying down while the TSA agent was checking me and her. After that, we went back to the dorm. We had awesome turkey, stuffing, mashed potatos, two kinds of sweet potatos, green beans, and pumpkin pie. Robin, the 77-year-old dog user, played Christmas carols for us on the piano. It was nice.
The rest of the day, I slept or got online to check email. I don't want to think how behind I am on school work. I only got stat homework done while I was here because my computer died; the windows sound doesn't even happen when I turn it on.
Yesterday, we went to petsmart. I bought Dee a nylabone and a portable bowl. She loves it. She held the bone in her mouth and ran around for 10 minutes, just holding it and wagging her tail. We had graduation information and packets too yesterday, booooooorrrrring!!!! I am geting cabin fever or something. I can't wait to go home, but I'm nervous too. Training has never gone this well for me before and I just hope this continues.
I talked to Dee's raiser yesterday. Her main one is Shelly, and she has two kids James and Tommy, and her husband John. They live on a farm in Oregon. She said Dee followed her everywhere and has good house manners. she also knows how to come on commmand, thank God because I spent hours doing that for the last two dogs.
We have two more hours till the raisers get here, and I think I'm going to try to sleep or something.

I'm so tired. We went to Portland for the last time today. Sioux says I look like a city kid; city traffic/travel makes me nervous, but we go quickly. Dee did an excellent job. We reworked a couple curb approaches. There was this adorable little girl with a stuffed animal that Dee wanted to visit. Then, a flock of pigeons were on the ground, and the little girl with the stuffed animal chased them and they flew passed her head. Just a slight leash correction and stern voice hopp-up got her going again.
We took the max train. Some lady was looking at her and going I know I can't pet you, all happy voice. But Dee ignored her and got jackpotted for it. So glad. We went to a made-in-oregon store in the mall, and I got a pair of blown-glass purple earrings and a red bracelet. Dee did well sitting in front of counters and lying down while I was paying.
I got lunch at Chipulte, a Mexican restaurant near the GDB Portland Lounge. I had three chicken tacos, chips, and a medium coke. It was entertaining trying to carry a bag and cup of soda while working Dee. I'm glad I didn't drop anything. Now, she's in her crate sleeping, and I'm going to post this before feed/relieve time.

I think I wrote about last week. Saturday, we went to Fred myer, a walmart-like store. Dee did well with the cart and she is now learning how to sit at counters and in front of shelves.
Sunday was great!!!! I spent half of it sleeping, and we had no hot water. We also went to the giftshop that day, and I bought a stuffed dog in harness, a cell phone pouch, a photo album, and a small travel bowl. I might go back there to get something Saturday if my puppy raiser comes to graduation.
Monday, Dee barked at Sean, the maintenance man. He was coming to fix the hot water boiler and I guess he looked scarey to Dee because she let out three lout wuff wuff wuffs. Yesterday was also the traffic route. No problems there; I just have to remember that she backs up faster and harder than either Valerie or Zorro. We did sidewalkless too; I always hated those at TSE, and I still hate them now. Finally, we had the night route. It makes no difference to me; I can't see during the day or night. It turns out that it doesn't make a difference to Dee either. She just cruised through the route at her customary fast speed. I noticed that I was starting to get a shin splint in my left leg, so I got an ice pack, anti-inflamatory meds, and streched. It's better now; it just hurts for a few blocks and is fine again.
Today, we went back to Portland. We worked on open spaces, like the quad area at BU. Dee is a patterner. You show her something once or twice, and she's got it. We were having a little trouble with big, rounded corners, but we're working on that. We went to the mall. There is this weird projector thing that you can stand on and the images change. Dee stared at it because there were fish swimming then cars driving. We went to a toy store. Since I work with kids, I wanted to see how she would react around them. They petted her and she didn't move. She was more fascinated by the stuffed barking dog and the alligator with the spinning tail. She is also pigeon or bird distracted. On the way out of the Portland center, 30 or 40 pigeons were on the ground, and she tried to pull towards/chase them. That was the hardest refocus, and we're going to look for more birds tomorrow. We're also going to a made-in-Oregon store, and I can't wait to see what local items I can find there.

Creative subject I know. Yesterday was our independent route. My route was to Jazzy bagel. Go and cross fourth, go to fifth and right, go to some other street and right, cross fourth, third, second, get to Powell and turn right. Cross roberts and go to the end of main where is Jazzy bagel. Not too many problems the first. Dee was distracted by a dog and spun around but I got her refocused. I was so tired yesterday; Sue said I looked out of it. I'm glad I can still work her even when my brain is only half functional. I wasn't sure in a couple places on the way back whether I was lined up correctly, but we made. The afternoon was the major one. We had an awesome route!!! Even with the dog distraction; I got hot chocolate to celebrate. It's not that big a deal to people to get somewhere, but I am easily lost and have less travel confidence than I used to, so I'm soooooo happy!!! Dee was confused by a utility box thing and I was confused on some turns so we backed up and did them. She traffic checked wfor me nicely, even though it was unexpected.
Today, we went to Portland. I hate city traffic. We did escalators in the mall, it's ready ready let's go and hold the collar. I kept forgetting to let go of the collar at first, but we were fine once I remembered.
I almost fell earlier on a grate, not Dee's fault. We were moving quickly, but it was wet and not sanded. Poor girl, she thought she did something wrrong and put her head/tail down for a few seconds. After that, she now takes me around all grates instead of walking over them. She has good bus behavior too.
We also did clicker work. I taught her find a chair, and now we are working on genearalizing.
Finally, we did the path around campus, all left turns. Dee lost three booties. I have no idea how that happened. Oh well, we'll get a new one sometime. I'm totally impressed with Dee's work, and I love her!!! There are beanbags in the lounge, and she's curled up with me on one or half lay on top of me on one. She loves her nylabone and the zoom groom too. I'm going to ask someone to take a picture or her soon.
Tomorrow is more Greshim work, and I hope I hear from my puppy raiser soon.

November 16, 2009 10:14 pm
Even though it says it’s 10:14 pm, my body says it’s 1:14 am on the 16 because of the three-hour time difference between east and west coast. I left my house at 11:10 am east coast time. My cab driver got lost for at least a half hour before she found the airport. No problems going through security. I hate hate hate small planes!!! My first flight was through Johnstown Pa andeurope. I had a six-hour flight from D.C. to Portland. I spent the time alternating between reading Princess in Training and listening to happy, upbeat music on my Ipod. Then, I had a 40-minute ride to Borring, with Doug and Marsha, two GDB volunteers. Kelly, the RA, with her 10-year-old guide July, oriented me to the dorm. Breakfast is at 7:30 tomorrow. I’m sleeping till 6:45 or so and getting a shower. I want one now, but that would require energy and movement, which I definitely don’t have right now. I haven’t even set up my computer or the wireless network, which tells you how tired I really am since that is usually one of the first thins I do in a new place. More tomorrow.

November 16, 2009 9:22 AM
I woke up at five this morning. My body is still on Eastern time and thought it was time to get up for school. My phone, computer, and Braillenote all had different times. Holly txted me this morning, and I had to ask her what time it was in Bloomsburg so I could appropriately set my stuff three hours back. This morning we had the managing your dog, retrain, praise and correction, and obedience lectures. Oh, for breakfast we had scrambled eggs, hash browns, apple slices, and toast. We have juno walks soon. I’m having trouble keeping everyone straight. There are two men and four, counting me, females in the class. The instructors are Sue Strong, Michelle, and Becky. There is also Kelly, Erin, the training specialist; Su Jung, an intern from San Fransisco University, and Scott, the dorm manager. Now, I’m waiting to go on my juno walk and learning how to put the harness on weeler, a stuffed dog on a skateboard.

10:36 am
We’re having obedience practice. Juno sit,, check, good juno. Juno stay. The leash in the heal grip in the middle of the leash. When the leash is moved to the right hand, the palm of the left hand faces the dog’s nose and juno stay. Walk slowly towards the end of the leash, which is still in the right hand. After the sit stay and the hitchhiker grip, thumb pointed up and fingers wrapped around the leash, it’s juno heal, where the dog comes to the left side of the body with its head at your knee. Then, we did sit/down. Sit is three pats and a happy sit. Down is the hitchhiker grip then a slow motion with your hand sideways. We also got our treat pouches; they are square with a magnetic closure. We bring the treat smoothly and quickly over to the dog’s nose.
The left door entrance or exit is different here than at TSE. At TSE, we put our backs against the door, push it open that way, and bring the dog in front of us. GDB’s way is to switch the leash to the right hand, juno over here happy voice pats, the dog comes to the right side, juno wait, open the door. Let the dog go inside first at the end of the leash. Juno let’s go! My corrections are too hard, and I had to practice softer ones and of course my tone of voice.

1:13 pm
Lunch was garlic/potato soup with homemade bread.
2:04 pm
I know the names!!! There is a Flute, Artie, Rora, Ogden, and Lincoln. I’ll tell mine later when I get it. Oh my God, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!!!!! I’m soooooo nervous and excited and happy all at the same time.I can’t wait to meet this dog!!!!

8:59 pm
I met her!!! Her name is Dee, and she’s a 55-pound black lab. Her birthday is Jan. 2, 2008, and she eats 1.5 cups of food in the morning and 1 cup at night. She is 23 inches at the shoulder, and she was issued with a martingale, Thank God!!! She reminds me of Valerie with her short body and very short neck. I love her already. She’s adorable. She has been sniffing my shirt and hands and headband. She’s done awesomely at staying still. I am teaching herto lie across longways like her head on the right side and her butt to the left. She stayed like this for a half hour with only two or three reminders of Dee down.
I’m still trying to keep the schedule straight.
Tomorrow is:
7:00 feed water relieve
7:30 breakfast
8:15 instructor’s visitors center obedience
Guidework and juno
Relieve
Greshim guidework practice
Relieve then water
12:30 lunch
1:30 discussion room street crossing
Relieve
Destination route in greshim
4:30 FWR
5:30 dinner
7:00 water
Orientation and route learning lecture review
8:30 relieve

8:33 am
She peed and pooped at the afternoon feed time and this morning. Nothing at the 8:30 time. We just did dog distraction obedience with a sheltie. She sniffed a little but wasn’t uncontrollably distracted like Valerie orr Zorro. We go to Greshim to work the dogs for the first time today, and I’m soooo excited.
November 19, 2009 7:24 am
I'm writing this quickly before breakfast. I absolutely love working Dee. She moves quickly, with purpose. She's sometimes stopping with no reason but an envouraging hopp up seems to do the trick. Her curb approaches surprise me; you know how people run and slide into home base? That's what they feel like. She also steps out when I say forward; with Valerie and zorro it took a few steps to get that fast pace. Not Dee, once forward is said, it's let's go!!! She's soooo smart. I taughether under the desk, and after doing it only tow times, she automatically goes under once i pull out the chair. We're still woring on sit. She's having trouble sitting in the hallway or on the bus, but I think she'll get it.
Dinner yesterday was roasted chicken with dijon sauce, greenbeans, potatoes, and a roll. I'm so hungry!!!

The Climb uphill

My life has always been a climb, striving to reach something new, never quitting because the glass is half full.
I was born three months early to a lady who already had at least 7 children, an unwannted and unwelcomed pregnancy for someone who couldn't afford to take care of herself, let alone an unhealthy baby. She left me at a hospital as soon as she could, and while some think it is horrible because I was "abanddoned" there, I think it was good and the best decision. I was 2 pounds, malnourished, unable to eat or breathe easily, anemic. I was placed in an incubator and because of too much oxygen, I'm totally blind.
I was adopted by my parents, who divorced because of alcoholism ETC when I was three. My mother didn't have much money, just the SSI checks every month, no house, not many possessions since my father owned everything. We eventually rented from my uncle, and my mother tried to pick up the pieces of our lives.
I entered preschool as a shy, isolated child who only knew how to live around adults. I learned to travel with a cane, practiced reading and writing Braille for hours, and began to understand how to interact with others.
In elementary school, I waited for textbooks to come because Braille takes longer to produce than print. I eventually caught up to my peers, and after needing someone to read to me, it was amazing to be able to do it myself. I fought with the Braille writer because it malfunctioned at least once a week, so I wrote, used a typewriter and hoped i didn't make any mistakes; when those options failed, I tape-recordded my assignments. My generation began to use calculators, but I learned the abacus, a rectangle with beads that represented numbers.
In middle school, sixth grade, I got a Braille n speak, something I could connect directly to a printer. I could finally use a calculator, and only do an assignment once!!! At this point, 2000, people were using computers, but I felt on a more level playing field because I could almost do everything in the same amount of time as my classmates.
We started to learn to do research. My peers used the computer while I waited for someone to read to me or look up, type, and finally translate the info into Braille. We used more textbooks, and by the end of middle school, there were some cassette ones. Even though I had to constantly forward through tapes, deal with broken ones, listen to changing readers, and guess at spelling and punctuation for quotes and unknown words, for the first time, I had my books at the beginning of the semester!
In high school, I got A Braille Lite, a device with a braille keyboard and a display on the bottom so I could read what I wrote. I also got a computer with a floppy disk drive and dialup. It was amazing because i could finally do research from home and transfer information from my computer to the teachers without too many problems.
I got to college with a Braillenote, a PDA-like machine with a Braille display and USB ports, a computer with ethernet capabilities, a scanner on which I could place and read print textbooks, a portable reading machine that takes pictures of money and typed materials, and a Victor Stream, kind of an Ipod for the blind that stores Braille, text, audiobooks, and music all in one place. I can now write whenever i wish, use the Internet and databases for my sociology and journalism projects, take tests in class on a USB flash drive, read printed handouts, and have all of my books on a tiny card instead of carrying bulky Braille volumes or tapes and a player.

Even though it's a cheesy song, Miley Cyrus says it best: "The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking
I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb."

I could have died, could have debilitating pain, could have brain damage because of my prematurity, but I'm blessed to be just blind. Blindness scares people because they think they would *die* if they had to live this way or that it is so *brave* that I get up everyday. They don't realize I am like them with a life of accomplishments, disappointments, dislikes and dreams; I may use different techniques to do something or at times take longer or a different path, but I am capable. There will always be some struggle with disability. People ask, if someone could perform surgery and give you perfect vision, would you take it. I say no because I don't know how to live as a sighted person. Blindness is far from being my only characteristic, but it's a part of my climb and one that has taught me about survival. I work part time, training children how to use the computer with speech and scanning software and the Braillenote with a calculator, textbook reader, Internet, and many other functions. I wonder what they will consider their climb because they never have to know what it is like to learn without textbooks, Braille, or the right equipment. The people with disabilities, before the Americans with Disabilities act and access to mainstreamed education had it harder than I ever did, but I lived the generation between hard copy and technology. There are daays when I complain, wish something didn't happen or it could be easier, but in my heart, i don't really mean it. I never want my life to plateau and can't wait to see what other valleys and peaks are in store for me. When I'm old and dying, I want to be able to look back from the top of my mountain to say the climb was worth it, and because of everything I have faced so far and will continue to face in the future, I know I will be able to do that, no matter what hurtles I have to jump along the way.

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There are times when things work out, and times when that's just for appearances. Times where things are resolved and times when you just end up with a handful of EMPTY GESTURES

As I posted in my intro, I was raised to believe blindness should never stop me from doing or accomplishing anything I set my mind to. Blindness doesn't make me less of a person, less capable, less contributing, than everyone else. I thought college would be wonderful, and in some ways it has been. I've gotten to have some amazing friends, Ali, Autumn, Jamie, Stephanie, Holly, and Megan. I've been to Philadelphia, Baltimore, Washington, D.C. to lobby Congress for the Louis Braille coin and accessible textbooks, New York City to shop and see a play, Guatemala for a missions trip, the local fair to enjoy crafts and concerts, and several other typical college activities. If you meet me, you notice that I am quiet, that I try to be pleasant to everyone, and I am a successful college student with a 3.6 GPA, so I seem ok.
But that's not true. Things didn't work out the way I planned. . I was the student in high school who always had A's and a few B's because I studied all the time, top 10%, academic awards, honor society, at least 9 clubs and organizations. I was energetic, and I had new ideas and was always willing to try something or have a new expeerience. I was an active NFB member in my state, a board member and eventually president of the Pennsylvania Association of Blind Students, PABS; I believe blind people can accomplish just as much as anyone else if they have the right opportunities, circumstances, and training and wanted to spread that to other people my age. I was going to do well in college, travel, get a job, ETC.

Who am I now? I think I am a person who has depression and who has had it to varying degrees over the past two years. Not the kind with suicide or major moodswings, but the milder kind that goes on for awhile. It began a couple of years ago, and is characterized by change in apetite, ensomnia or wanting to sleep all of the time, lack of motivation, loss of interest in enjoyed activities, tiredness.

I noticed my lack of motivation at the beginning of my sophomore year, but I thought it was something that would go away. I was carrying a 15 credit load that semester. Since I am a journalism major, deadlines are important to us; I was barely making them, doing everything at the absolute last second. I barely got my interviews done, didn't have any ideas, was totally uninterested in my stories, which covered puppy raisers, menstrual cupps, and a poet. I did the minimum work in classes, scanned only half of my textbooks, hardly studied. My computer was having issues, but i didn't really care. The spring semester, I took a race and ethnicity class, something I am usually passionate about and didn't even read the book. I took an incomplete in one of my classes because I didn't do enough and failed the final for another class because I did only half of the assignment but got a c over all.

That summer, i went to the NFB national convention as a scholarship alumni mentor; I met with my student but didn't followup and was completely bored with the sessions. At that time, I was the president of PABS, so I was to plan the state convention student seminar. Needless to say, I failed dismally; I barely had anything done in October for the November convention. I was joining a community service fraternity, Alpha Phi Omega, at the same time; there were organization fees, pledging fees, and a final's night where if someone didn't attend, the person couldn't get in unless there were circumstances like being in another country or being sick. I foundout it was the same time as convention. Also, my first guide dog Valerie had an alergy diagnosis with shots costing me $300 a month. She had gone back to the guide dog school for reevaluation; they said she was working fine. However, when she came back to college, she was so exhausted from the shots and pills. I was broke and didn't have the money and had had enough with trying to work a dog who clearly didn't enjoy her job anymore. She retired Oct. 28, the week before convention. No pets allowed, and what was I going to do with her for four days? So between the pledging process for my service fraternity, Valerie,and the lack of funds, I backed out of my convention commitment at the last minute. I am just now wanting to be involved in the NFB process and haven't really talkked to anyone from my state for the past two years.

I was supposed to have an inturnship the summer of 2008 at my local paper. I didn't stay in contact with my editor; my computer crashed for a few weeks and my phone broke. It never occured to me to try to find her phone number to call her about it; I have a fail for that class. My junior year fall semester was awful; my dog was unhealthy, jumping on everything and everyone, not moving quickly, so i tried to fix all of that. I skipped class so often; I think I missed 8 cells, genes, molecules classes. I skipped some in other subjects, but not as much as that one; I passed CGM, but barely. I didn't come close to the the Deen's list that time. Last semester was the best and worst one yet. I only skipped two classes, scanned my books, put in a lot of hours for the magazine, studied a little but at the last minute, but my second dog was reissued, the guide dog school rejected my application for a new guide, my cane broke, my computer crashed and was down for three weeks, and I slowly started filling out dog applications. My loans didn't come in till the week after the semester ended, and I was getting letters from the Attorney General's office. I should have been writing for online publications, researching for my continuing sociology project, but i spent most of my time avoiding my mother, surfing the net, and reading. The journalism market is dismal with buyouts and papers closing, and I need to start looking at grad schools and sign up for the GRE.
I really don't know how I'm making it right now. I need to be healthy again because who I am now isn't who I want to be. I am taking 20 credits, 7 classes. I'm in magazine production where I copy edit articles, qualitative methods where we have a semester-long research project, Social Issues with a semester-long research project, Public Affairs reporting with in-depth articles, senior seminar where we design a website and write, media law to review any press-related court cases, and statistics. I work with a lady on the computer and tutor a girl in Braille reading and writing, which are the most relaxing parts of my week. I'm not putting forth any effort, just empty gestures to appear as if I am absolutely fine, enough to do a decent job with my research and writing. If it involves studying, actually reading the text, I don't do it and don't know the info unless we covered it in class. What is keeping me from completely giving up right now is that I am already disappointed in myself, and I don't want to fail when I am this close to having two bachelor's degrees. However, my main focus is the new dog. Every day, there are 27 left now, leads me closer to having my new guide. If I don't do well this semester, I can't come back for the next one. If I failed, I would be stuck at home, which would just make the depression even greater than it is now.
So, I'm spending this semester trying to rebalance my chemicals, hhplanning for the new dog, and not isolating myself since i have been doing that for the past year or so. Empty gestures are often made from other people to you,, but in my case, I made them towards everyone, especially myself, because I wanted to believe my life was fine, even if it lacked focus and was replete with meaningless words and hollow actions.

Life is like a charm bracelet; some charms, like certain characteristics and attitueds, are afixed and not, or unable, to be easily changed while others attach with lobbster claws and can be added or moved whenever opportunity allows. The first afixed charm on my bracelet is a flash drive. I am constantly reading a book, often two or three at once, and this allows me to carry many kinds and formats at the same time. I am a college student, so it helps me stay organnized while always having my files with me. I am a part-time assistive technology and Braille trainer, teaching people 8-75 years old how to use the computer, PDA-like devices, the Braillewriter, ETC.
The second afixed charm is a wozit, the National Federation of the Blind logo of a stick figure holding a cane. I was born in Paraguay, South America, to a poor, malnourished woman who already had too many children. I was three months early, so the doctors put me in an incubator where too much oxygen, along with retinopathy of premajority, caused me to be totally blind. I was first adopted, when I was four-months old, by a couple who, after I underwent unsuccessful restorative eye surgery, decided they did not want a blind child. The NFB placed a notice in their monthly magazine saying blind child needing a home with description and other information. My mother is also blind, and after filling out all of the paperwork and home visits, I went to her when I was six-months-old. I was raised with the NFB philosophy of with the right skills and opportunity, I can be an independent person and compete at the same level as nondisabled people.
My third charm is a llight. I am quiet and shy, and until I get to know someone, I am the one in the background, always observing and knowing what is happening around me. I am a journalism major, trying to find the truth; I am a sociology student, trying to understand why the structure and culture in society are the way they are and why certain groups have and are seen as priveleged, while others are made to be on the outside looking in. However, just as a light can turn off or burn out, so can I. For the past two years, I have been struggling with depression, which manifests as ensomnia, apathy, and an almost complete lack of motivation to do activities, no drive to be successful in either of my career paths, and a loss of interest in everything I used to enjoy. As a blind person, I always worked hard to prove that I am just as capable, that it doesn't have to stop me from reaching any of my goals. I never wanted to say I can't, but I am learning that there are times when I need to. I can't do an internship right now because no drive would help me to fail; I can't go to grad school without taking a semester off first for the same reason. I can't lead anyone or an organization because I need to help myself before I can truly put my heart into activities. I know I am disappointing people, myself as well, but I am slowly coming to be a softly-glowing beacon instead of the burned-out light bulb I have been for half of my college experience.
I have an = sign. All people, regardless of race, religion, sexual orientation, ability, ETC should have the right to marry, live the way they want, do whatever with their bodies because that is a personal, not government, choice, and idealy live without covert and overt acts of discrimination.
Freedom is important to me. There is a hummingbird. I love to be able to believe what I want without fear of retribution, to be outside hiking in the woods and camping, to have the ability to develop new ideas and question what I don't understand and allow them to take flighht. I have a labrador. I have partnered with a guide dog for the past three years, and I love the ability to go around obstacles, people, and the speed of travel. Anyone who is around me, even for a little while, knows my dogs are one of the most important aspects of my life. They are free from prejudice, always there, and Valerie, Zorro, and the new guide I will be getting next month, have taught me more than I have ever been able to learn from them and will never be able to repay. There is a horse; their beauty, power, and grace allow me to move in a way I will never be able to on the ground.
My moveable charms are always able to be changed. The cross and the pentacle represent Christian Wiccan my spiritual path. I am working out what I believe for myself; I was raised Roman Catholic, but I haven't believed that for a long time. Sometimes, I am sad to say, I am scared to come out of the broom closet, so the pentacle is hidden unless I am with certain people. The ribbon is for courage. If I had the courage to face something, to act without worrying what others think, to stand up for who I am and what I believe in, that would be wonderful. There is a dolphin, a pink flamingo, and mickey mouse. Even though I am a serious person, I want to remember to be playful, become brighter, and have a child-like wonder and enthusiasm for life. Finally, there is a turtle. Sometimes it is slowness and thought that can accomplish what a lavish display and shouting cannot.
This is my bracelet, my life, and I hope my current movable ones will become afixed someday, while never being to full for new charms, characteristics, attitudes, and beliefs.

I have decided to join LJ Idol for the first time this year!!! I haven't written anything creative for longer than I care to think about, and it will be nice to do that again.

"Hello Martha,
How are you doing? I just said to Ashley I need to send you out an email. I am sorry it has been a while. Valerie is one spoiled girl.
She had a good summer she and Cole enjoyed going swimming in the pool. And she also loved laying in the sun on our deck. We have not any any problem with her allergies. She goes for a walk every morning by 5:30 but when she gets back she loves to go back to bed.

Our neighbor recently lost his dog so he loves to take the dogs in his yard to play with them. Valerie enjoys going over and she found the doggie door so she usually goes in his house to check things out. She also loves to go wandering in his garden and she helps herself to any of the vegetables that are growing. She really likes green tomatoes.

It sounds like you have been busy. So are you glad to be back to school? That is great news you are getting a new dog. You will have to keep us updated so we can meet your new pal.
Here is a pic of Valerie on her birthday with Cole. She did not wear the hat all day just the birthday bandana.
Thank you so much for the email.
Lee Ann"

I enjoy getting updates about her. It's almost two years since she's retired. I will always think of her as my dog even though she is Lee Ann's and family's now. My mom says I need to let her go and leave it alone, but she doesn't understand. She was my first dog, my first guide, and I will always care and be concerned about her. Lee Ann and I email every four months or so. She is happy, healthy and well taken care of, and that is all I ever wanted for her.

I moved into my new apartment friday. My cousins Andrew and Becca drove me here; it is cool to *finally* have a female family member near my age. She's 23. We listened to some band I've never heard of on the way up and stopped at Burger King. My apartment is on the second floor of the place that was just finished this summer. I almost dropped my toaster down the steps because my cane went backwards betweeen my ankles. Oh well. These apartments are nice!!! We have a stove/oven, chairs and table in the kitchen, and a dishwasher. I can buy a dog crate!!! There is space in my room, and it will fit with space to spare!!!
The university system is evil. It made me uninstall norton antivirus and put on macafee because it won't let me connect to the internet unless I have the software. It crashed my laptop, so I've been thanking god and goddess and everyone that I have a netbook and cd drive. My boss, don hazle, is coming to fix the laptop tomorrow, but that was four days later.
I am taking 7 classes, 20 credits, this semester. I have Sociology Statistics MWF 11-11:50, senior seminar for journalism wednesday 1-1:50, Qualitative Research Methods MW 3-4:15, Spectrum magazine tues//thurs 11-12:15, current issues tues/thurs 12:30-1:45, spectrum llab hours 2-3:15, public affairs 3:30-4:45, and media law thurs 6-9. I am alreadyy swamped. I have a research proposal due for qualitative methods, need to come up with a spectrum story for tomorrow, 2 chapters for current issues, 35 pages for stat, and other sstuff I'm forgetting. All of this while my motivation comes and goes.
I've been havingsome fun too. Saturday, I went with my roommates Megan and Holly to Walmart. Sunday, I went with Autumn around Bloomsburg then to Quaker Steak and Lube for dinner for her 21 birthday. We both had some alcoholic lemonade thing, beer sauce with soft pretzels, and burgers and fries. I had dinner with Megan, Holly, and Marissa tonight too, and we went to the bookstore. I can't believe they sell vera bradley bags, lol.
I'm so tired, need to go write now.

I went to coyoteprincess house Friday. We went for a walk Friday, and I got to wlk Casie, the little yappy terrier. It was soooo weird walking with a tiny dog because I am used to my larger labs. After that, we watched finding Nimo, because I've never seen it before. It was amusing.
Saturday was my GDB interview!!!! I was sooooo nervous. He thought I was a new dog user fbut I told him I had two guides before, and that made the interview go faster. I showed him around campus. He parked in an unfamiliar place and on the opposite of the store I was used to, so he told me what was around and I figured out where we were. I took him up passed the library and to where there is usually traffic, figures there was none yesterday when I needed it. I havre rouble veering when I have my cane, but having the traffic on my right side helps me line up properly. I veered right on one street and a little left on the others, but I figrued it out and straightened out. After that, we did the juno walk down through campus, and he found my pace pretty quickly. I told him about everything with Zorro and that Valerie retired because of alergies ETC, and he said that was fine. We went to La Fontana to have huge sodas while he filled out all of the paper work. I told him I need a dog with stamina who can handle being out for 12 hours a day, work at night, and remain focused. He wrote college student who needs dog who can work around little children and idiot solitous college students, LOL. Afterwards, he said he recommends acceptance and the committe should come backk with the same decision!!!!!!!!! I am sooo excied!!! Two great interviews down, one more hopefully positive on to go. Toby Contrarice said he recommended me for the three week class, but if they have another two week one, he would recommend one for that too.
Today, Beckie, coyoteprincess, and I went to church. I loved the music and didn't want to fall asleep like I usualy do in the Catholic church. We also went to Walmart and looked at clothes and CDS. Beckie drove!!! and she did well, but her grandmother was worried.
We are eating dinner soon, yay food; I can always eat something!!!!

My GDB interview was moved from Sunday morning to Saturday afternoon. I've had two O&M lessons, just to practice my route for GDF and just being around traffic, since there isn't much of that on the BU campus. I know what I'm doing, but Michelle says I need to trust myself. I put my cane out then don't go when I should; as long as I don't veer during the Light Street crossing, I'll be fine.
I'm going to Beckie's from Friday till next Friday or Saturday!!! It will be fun. We are just going to hang out and maybbe go to Knobels. I am also going to ty to see Kaylee and David, an electrician who went blind earlier this year.
School is soon, and I need to order books soon so I can start scanning before the year starts. I will be able to move in for the first time, the week before school starts. My freshman year, I moved the Sunday before classes because i had just returned home with Valerie two days before. My sophomore year, I moved the Sunday before classes becaause I went to the dermitologist vet with Valerie, and last year, I moved Sunday because I just returned from Guatemala at 2:30 AM.

I had my Fidelco interview today and it went well!!! I told him about being a student and working and traveling and going to conventions; he said those activities and that Ii am an experienced dog user are all in my favor when the selection committee meets. I walked about 3.5 blocks with my cane before he said thhat was enough and we did Juno work for the next 20 minutes. That was nice too, and he said I will probably know something near the end of August!!!
Toby Contrarice from GDB also called today, and he is going to interview me Aug. 2 at 12 first at my friends house, and after that, we are driving to campus so I can show him a route. I am going to spend a week or so with Beckie in Bloomsburg, about 10 minutes from campus, soooo excited!!!!
After my Fidelco interview,I ordered Pizza Hut and ate three pieces. I can't eat when I'm nervous because I end up spending time on the toilet, which negates the point in eating in the frist place, so I only had a granola bar all day. I work tomorrow and I think I will be in a good mood for a couple of days because of today's juno walk!!!

I attended the ACB convention in Orlando for the first time in Orlando My flight left at 10:30 AM, so no early morning for me!!! I got all of my belongings in to a large backpack and a medium-sized purse, so no checked luggage!!! However, I stupidly left all of my toiletries on the table, so I had to buy them when I got there. I had no security or transfer problems, and I got the the shuttle just fine. I met another pennsylvania person on the shuttle and we talked about convention since I had never been there before.
There was check in drama, since I was the first person in the room and was paying with a credit card. After 40 minutes, they charged my portion and left the other twofor later. After begging in the room for an hour, I wandered to get food. I ordered three slices of pizza and coke, thinking they were small.Three of thepieces were like six of dominos, OMG, so much food!!! Later, my second roommate, Erin, came. She is awesome. She helped me set up my netbook. I didn't know you could do that with narrator, enterin the administrative info, windows settings, ETC. After that point, I could use system access to go, since I hadn't brought my JAWS and was't connected to the internet at that point. We had a nice discussion about Sociology, since that was her major, and we complained aout research methods and statistics.
The next day, we had breakfast with Sue and John Buckley, members from Erin's aaphiliate in Tennessee. We discussed ACB vs. NFB, and other things, since John has his doctorate and Sue used to manage a YMCA. I think Sarah, 3kitties, came. She was sick the first day se wass there, and I don't really remember everything we did that day. Oh, at some point, two hotel staff showed us around, the emergency exits and the basic layout. We also made a gift shop stop since I had to buy toiletries and Erin needed shampoo, since her airline threw it away, even though it was in her checked luggage.
I went to the exhibit hall and made the whole circuit the first day. I saw familiar technology and ti was fun to look at new things from each company. Throughout the week, I bought an adventurine ring, a garnet necklace, an opal, a Braille alphabet bracelet, and a flamingo bracelet from a blind vender. We also went to the GDUI suie where I bought lab earrings, a harness sign/pouch, and Guide Dog Handlers First Hand.
Sarah, Erin, Kevin, and I spent a lot of time together, eating in the cafe, drinking coffee (in my case hot chocolate,( and just talking and laughing. One day, after all of us went to the exhibit hall we met Pawpower, Lisasalli, and Maia, who sells cool dog accessories. We made another trip back to the GDUI suite where I bought a cat bell, a clip with two regular bells, and a keychain with a glass pendant that says peace in Braille.
Some night, we met Megan, Glen, Amanda, and Kerrie and had dinner at the caf. After that, I went to Amanda's room with her, Kerrie, Megan, Glen, and eventually Amber, who used to be an NFB member. I had fun with them as well as Hester, Buddy, and Boots, the dogs.
I visited Rox and Lisa a few times and bothered their dogs too.
I did actually go to a few ACB events, the GDUI ones where Kathy Nimmer spoke about her book two plus four equals one, an anthology of service dog stories and poems. I would like to submit something for it, I just don't know what. I also saw Seeing Eye instructors Barbara, Jan, and Lucas. It was nice and awkward at the same time, sice Barb worked with Zorro and I during training and retirement process. I also met people from all guide dog schools and asked them questions.
There was a speaker who did animal rescues. He rescued a dog from huricane Katrina, and he kept it with him in the trailor, even when he sent all of the others back with volunteers. A man and his son *walked* to the animal rescue trailors; his wife had died during the huricane and they couldn't get out since they had no gas money. The terrier he had been keeping belonged to the little boy, and it made him feel comforted during the grieving time.
Tuesday was Magic Kingdom@!!! I've never been there before, so I was really excited. I met Natasha caninespirit while walkign through the park and we connected wih Jill and dog Holly, Mike and dog Rick, and an older lady Marilyn. We went to many shops, looking for jewelry and other souvenirs. We went on the teacups and Mike and Marilyn held the dogs. We went somewhere where I had chicken nuggets and fries. Later, we went on the winnie the Pooh ride,, which was cute and shopped there too. Marilyn wandered away so we spent awhile worrying and trying to figure out whereshe was. She was all the way near the outside of the park!!! We spent some time lost but didn't do too badly, which was great. We and the dogs were totally exhausted and were glad to go back to the hotel.
Erin is considering applying for a guide dog!!! She loves dogs and is a toy poodle breeder. She and her friend are also starting a pet supply business, and that is aweome!!! She left Thursday, and I was glad to spend so much time with her and hope we se each other again!!!
Friday, Amanda, Rox, Lisa, Maia, and I went to Cracker Barrel, wher I had chicken fingers, fries macaroni and cheese, biscuits, coke, and hot chocolate. We stopped in the gift shop, were I bought a huge Mr. Good bar and pop rocks. Rox'e decided to have pop rocks with coke and we could hear th fizz from the next room. I didn't sleep at all, packed my stuff and went to the airport. I had no problems there or on my three flights and finally got home at 2:30 Saturday.
Sorry for the incoherency; I thinkk I am still recovering from my vacation, :)!!! 'm glaad I met all of you from LJ and will hopefully do it again some time!!!!

Five days before ACB convention, I went to Millersville to hang out with Beckie and her friends for her birthday. I took a train from here to Lancastor. No transportation problems, just annoying people. I purchased my tickets online and had to pick them up at the window. I asked a person sitting in the station where is the ticket counter? He showed me and the person gave me my tickets and said he would come get me when it was time to board. The man who helped me get to the counter said, now you sit here, the man wil come get you, ok? *pats shoulder* OMG, I amm not a child or a person incapable of thought, sigh sighted people sometimes.
After I got to the train station, Beckie, Josey, Warren, and I went to the burger king and the mall. I bought a brush and bonine because I get motion sick on rides. When we were leavig the mall, we bought smoothie/slushy drinks and spent forever wwalking around the entire parking lot, Since Josey forgot where she parked the car. Later, we went to a party with fire spinners. They also spit fire by putting lamp oil in their mouths and blowing on huge sticks. They also danced with the sticks and everyone said it was really cool.
The next day was Hershey Park!!! We went on the swings, the tilt-a-wirl, teacups, whip, some music thing, the log floom, and a couple of other rides. We also ate soooo much food. I had a hot dog, fries, huge soda, huge s'more, and more drinks. I met Beckie's friend Lynn and had a Harry Potter discussion while Beckie and Co. were waiting in line for the roller coaster.
Monday, I went to Beckie's writer's workshop class. The question was what is your passion and how has that passion hurt you or changed you, something like that. Guess what I wrote about, the first two don't count LOL, dogs. Afterwards, we went to the Millersville University store where I bought a wallet and parrot keychain. We had lunch at the Sugarbowl, where I had chicken fingers and fries. During lunch,GDB *finally* called and said someone is coming between July 29 and August sixth for my interview. I asked Beckie if I could stay with her since she lives in Bloomsburg and I want to be on campus for my route. She said yes, so I will be in Bloomsburg some time soon. Later, we were going to go to CC's pizza but got lost and ended up going to Five Guys, a place with amazing burgers and fries!
Josey accidentally pulled the tubing for insulin out of her leg and was almost out of supplies, but Beckie talked her into staying till Tuesday. We went to the Olive Garden where Beckie and Josey ate the soup and salad special and I ate nothing because I can't eat before I travel long distances. We made it to the train station with only five minutes to spare, and I had no problems going home.
The next day was 7:45 AM work. We went to Jennifer's to work on ssetting up her gmail account in windows live mail. We also talked about guide dogs. She applied to leader and they *finally* got back to her after a year. She said she thoughthat was normal time and I assured her it wasn't. Some of her paperwork got lost which caused the year wait. She applied to the Guide Dog Fondation while I was there because of the combo training of class and at home. She has some health problems so the less time far away, the better. Afterwards, I went to India's, where we did more gmail and downloaded descriptive movies and talked.

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“Martha is calling from the ACB Convention down in Florida. This is her first voice post. She decided to do one since she saw all of the other people at ACB doing them and she said that they seemed fun. She's been having a lot of fun in Florida. She roomed with 3kitties (Sara) and another person named Erin. Erin left today, and is now stuck at the airport. 3kitties was leaving, too, so Martha was gearing up to be bored. She saw Lisa, and Betsy. She went to Disneyworld with Natasha, which she says was a blast. This was her first ACB convention. She was adopted from South America when she was six months old. Her parents found an add in the Braille Monitor (NFB magazine) about her. This is why she is a "NFB baby". She says that she has had fun and will write about her trip when she can process it more.” Transcribed by: lilmizmombassa

The pieces of my life are coming together nicely. I'm going to spend four days with Beckie and Co. at Millersville and Hershey Park. I'll come home for a day to do a day of work with Don Hazle and some of the kids I help, and then I will be on a plane to Orlando. I got the ACB program and will make my schedule later. Fidelco called yesterday and someone is definitely coming near the end of July for an interview, sooooo excited!!
I finally got a hold of Andrea in admissions at the Chris Cole Rehabilitation Center in Texas for admissions. She explained the center, and it is very much like an NFB center. There is Braille, keyboarding and computer training, cane travel, daily living skills, industrial arts for confidence building, interviewing and career guidance, and seminars. Now that I have the info and I downloaded Jim Enbig's book, I can finish my letter of justification and start this process. I don't agree with him about what he has said about guide dogs in the past, but he definitely knows the rehab language.

YES!!! Things are going well on the application end. For some reason, Fidelco had one reference letter, from my boss, last week. However, when I called them today, they had two letters, one from the local dog trainer I worked with for the past two years and one from my journalism adviser, but not the one from my boss, but oh well. Once that is straightened out, all paperwork is in now for all three, gDB, GDF, and Fidelco. And GDF said they can send someone to interview me, since they have a field rep who goes to Pennsylvania, so I won't have to make a video!!!
The only thing they are trying to figure out is if they can interview me at home when I spend 9 months out of the year at school. Has anyone done this, interviewed at home and spend most time at college? My school is 2.5 hours away from where I live, so we couldn't go there just for a few minutes. But I'm really excited for all three interviews and I feel hopeful about a new guide dog for the first time in awhile.
I really do and think about stuff that isn't dog-related. I have been trying to get a hold of the admissions coordinator at the Chris Cole Rehabilitation Center for the past week or so. I sent an email and left two messages, so I hope I hear something soon.
Sunday, I went to camp Connection, something held at Beacon Lodge camp for the Blind for parents of blind children ages 4-8. The kids get to do fun activities while the parents go to seminars. My boss and I went to talk about technology, Braille, and bllindnesss in general. I got a couple of numbers of parents, and I'm going to help them get in touch with the NFB parents of blind children organization in Pennsylvania. One lady needs an advocate because her son is totally blind in one eye and 20/2400 in the other. She wants him to learn Braille, but his mobility/vision teacher says he can do just fine with print.
I also worked with Taylor. We worked on the computer, typing and editing sentences without deleting everything he writes. We also worked on the calculator and wordprocessor on the Braillenote. He has trouble; he wants to hit a key and hold it down instead of just pressing it once. We also wrote sentences with deliberate mistakes so he could learn how to use the cursor routing buttons. They have two puppies, Wrinkles a 6-month pug and Caesar a 6-month-old mastiff. His family is really nice; his mom and dad came to get me to bring me to their house for the training cession, and his little brothers and sister are cute too.

I'm so bored. besides the times when I'm working, I have nothing to do or no where to go.
Work is going well. India, a 12-year-old with a brain tumor who is blind, is doing well. I worked with her on email and how to transfer music from the computer to a thumb drive to the Braillenote.
I'm also working with Taylor, a 10-year-old boy who is totally blind. He was having trouble with the numbers on the numbpad, and I was explaining to him that the layout is similar to the numbers on a telephone, when his mother said, actually he's never dialed a phone before. A 10-year-old who doesn't know how to dial a phone!!! So I worked on that with him for about 20 minutes before going back to the computer. He is easily distracted, fiddles with objects, and has trigger finger; whenever I have him push a button, he holds it down instead of pressing it once. We have much to work on this summer, and hopefully I can help him learn.
Another person I'm working with is a lady who is blind because of a brain tumor, and she has MS. I'm working with her for the first time Wednesday.
Seeing Eye is giving me money for my vet bills from when I had Zorro!!! This means I get $500 or $600!!!!
I'm waiting for home visits from GDB and Fidelco. I need to mail my doctor a new form for GDF, because he accidentlly put the GDF form in the same envelope as the Fidelco one, so it went to them instead. Once that is done, I just have to wait for the interview and decision. *worries* I had a dream where all of the schools said no or they let me come to class but didn't let me come home with the dog, or I got lost at school where the dog ran away, weird.
I'm waiting for an O&M instructor because I want to make a route for when the guide dog schools come to see me walk. I'm at home instead of at school where I know how to get to many places, and I have no more routes in Altoona. The high school where I used to walk is gone; the city took it down because it was 100 years old to make a more, modern school with air conditioners ETC. The Sheetz store is gone because it burned down because of an electrical fire. The church is gone for the same reason, on the same block as the snew school. The place where the my school used to be is debris and construction because they are building an apartment complex.
I'm trying to write my justification letter for BVS to go to the Chris Cole center in Texas. The BVS supervisor says they need to know why I need such long, intensive training, especially since I live independently and received similar services from local rehab.

The ACB convention registration form is finally up!!! I'm going to Disney World!!! It costs $75 but I'll probably never be in Orlando again, so totally worth it!!! I also signed up for the NABS and GDUI seminars. They should be interesting. I'm a member of NFB NABS and NAGDU, so it will be fun to see how ACB does it. Anyone else going to Magic Kingdom or the NABS mixer?

I'm at my mother's house in Altoona for four whole months!!! This is not good. There is nothing to do and no where to go. I'm going grocery shopping so I can get food and stuff; the only things we have right now are sandwich stuff and water. I want some microwaveable things, chicken, soda, lemonade, and snacks.
I finished working with Kay for the semester. Her reading speed has improved dramatically since January, and I am so glad. We are working with a man who was an electrician who was sighted three months ago; he went for surgery and came out totally blind. We are also working with a lady who does customer service for verizon cards.
My Cells, Genes, Molecules test and final went well, even with the reader. I got an 84% on the test and I'm guessing the same about the final. Final grades are posted for all classes, but the site isn't accessible, so I need a sighted person to look at them. Gurururur!!! The site with the postings is down temporarily too, so that doesn't help.
My loan, that I applied for at the end of January, *finally* came. The school keeps mailing me and saying I owe $7,000. They got the check last week but need to mail it to me because it is in my name. They send me the check just so I can deposit it and pay them, craziness. Maybe if I apply now for the next loan, it will come in September or October instead of after the semester is over.
Since I no longer have to frantically save money and watch every dollar because i thought I would have to pay the school, I spent money. I bought a new cane because while I was walking to class one day, someone ran into me and snapped it in half. I did the blind person shuffle, where I followed the sidewalk with my foot for a block till I got to the building I needed. I was late for class, and the professor was like what happened. I held up the two pieces of my cane and asked if he had tape. We were distributing magazines, so I just hung out in the lab for that hour. Someone on the magazine staff took my cane to the maintenance shop, and one of the shuttle drivers put a wooden dowel and duck tape and some metal thing so it stayed together for the last week of school. I also bought dominos and a Braille book for Kay because it was her birthday saturday. Bought drugstore stuff and medicine for an infection and lunapads because I hate disposeable menstrual products and want menstrual cup backup. I also bought a leather spring jacket, since the zipper broke on my old one, a Lewis Braille comemorative coin, and a waterproof bag for carrying stuff around campus.
I'm going to the ACB convention in Orlando!!!! I'm NFB, but I know lots of people who are going and want to see something different. Besides, I've been to Detroit before the last time convention was there, and Orlando is a much better place to visit than Michigan. I've never been to Florida before, and I'm so excited!!!
I heard from GDB. They are calling this week to set up a home visit, and they said I could get a dog as early as this summer or fall!!! Pray or send good thoughts please. I would like August or October for class dates.
My medicare card finally came, so I can go to the doctor's without paying a fortune to get the TB test and fill out the medical stuff that all three schools need. The waiting game continues, but it's definitely getting done quickly now. I'm nervous for the instructor visit. I haven't had to do one of those since 2005 when TSE came, and I hope I can do a good enough job with the cane stuff. I'm so used to my straight line from the dog that I can't walk as straight as I used to be able to do with a cane. As long as I can make it across this four lane street without going crooked, I should be fine. My problem is that I have no routes, because Fidelco and GDB like to see a route. All of my routes are at school, and I am home. I used to know how to walk to both the middle and high school, a church, and a store, but they are all gone now. The city decided to take down the two schools and the surrounding couple of blocks to make a new one. I hope just showing them I can cross streets will be enough. The university and town where I go to school doesn't have many streets on campus; there is the main street that goes off campus and one that goes to the dorms, but the rest is pretty quiet traffic wise. *worries*
I got to see Valerie!!!! Lee Ann, the lady who has her now, brought her Wednesday when she was getting her daughter's stuff to go home for the summer. She remembers me!!!! She jumped on me and held my wrist down with her paw and licked me and rolled over. She also still knows how to back up and hand target with her nose and respond to the clicker. Lee Ann said the vet said he doesn't want her to gain any more weight, but she isn't fat. She was 51 pounds when I had her 1.5 years ago, and now she is 60 pounds, which isn't big. She said she will bring her again next semester when we can all visit for a little longer. We just sat outside on the ground for 20 minutes because we were cleaning the apartment and didn't want to bring in the dog hair. I told her that would be fun and I might have a new dog by then.
Zorro made it through retraining and was rematched with a new person. I'm glad because he needs to work. He is happy, healthy, and guiding well again, and that is all I wanted for him.

Yay, Fidelco application is in and I'm waiting for a home visit for the Juno walk. Once I go to the doctor's, GDF, Fidelco, and GDB will have all of the stuff and then I wait.
We didn't have social work today because Dr. A blocked in an open day in case we were behind, and since we weren't, no class.
I went to the LGBT picnic where I talked to Stephanie and Monique, the girl I ate with last week. I only stayed for a half hour becauseI had to work. I had pepsi and cake. I was going to eat a hot dog, but the grill wasn't working for the first half hour, so no food. I went to Kay's for an hour 15 minutes where we did sentences, contractions, she read a book, and we played three games of dominos, which I lost horribly.
Val's people answered. It's sad how much I'm looking forward to seeing her again. It's like seeing a baby or someone you haven't seen in a long time. My roommate is laughing at me because I was like Yay and they could hear me next door.
"vPaul uses a whistle when he gives a whistle they come right back to him and of course wait for a TREAT.. LOL

Well I talked with Ashley and we were planning on coming to bloom this weekend but she said with block party that would not be a good idea. SO we are going
to watch the weather and one night after work next week we are planning on driving down for you to see Valerie and then we can also bring some of Ashley's
stuff home for her. So we will be in touch after the weekend and see what day would work best for all..

Have a GREAT weekend and keep in touch, Lee Ann"

Ug, so tired, going to bed soon.
I went to research methods today; we read an article about openly gay athletes and discussed. Dr. Omori asked us about the symbolism of eggs and rabbits; she is from Japan so she was asking why everyone buys plastic egg shells and paints real ones. It was interesting.
I finally got my project to what I want it to be. How can people with disabilities affect nondisabled people through their journals or blogs? Do they break down or continue to perpetuate stereotypes, and how can they, through daily activities and interactions, help people to be more accepting? that is the jist anyway. In the past, it has been journalists and actors and TV reporters who told our stories with their own spin, but the internet has changed that.
I'm going to the doctor's next week, and my final piece will be in for all of my dog applications. Thanks kindapoetry for answering my endless Fidelco questions. Everyone is going to be sick of talking to me about dog schools, but knowing for curiosity and knowing for possible upcoming experience are two different things with so many questions. I hope I know soon; this waiting is driving me crazy.
Valerie's people are definitely bringing her to visit in the next two weeks!!!!! I am so excited!!! I haven't seen her since she went with them Jan. 2008. I know she is doing awesomely well with them, but it will be nice to have her here for a little while.
Zorro made it through retraining and is going back to be rematched soon. I'm glad and figured it would be like that. Valerie couldn't make it again as a rematc, but Zorro would go crazy if he weren't working. I hope whoever gets him next will love him as much as I do.
Random socialization today. I was checking out at Husky where I usually get my food and bring it back to the magazine lab. One of the girls from he equestrian team and the gay-straight alliance asked me if I wanted to sit with her and her friend. *shocked* I hope I didn't look totally surprised when I said yes. It always surprises me when people come over/want to talk to me and it's not the other way around with me asking and wondering if they don't really feel comfortable. We ate lunch/dinner at 3 o'clock and Monique gave me a ride back to my apartment. I wasn't expecting that either, and she saved me the 10-minute walk and 20 minute wait for the bus. She gave me her cell number and said i should call if I wanted to eat or need a ride. I don't think I will bother for the ide unless I am *desperate*, like ill or something, but it would be fun to hang out.

I'm making a doctor's apt tomorrow, so after this, the papers for my dog applications will be done. I just emailed TSE saying I'm glad Zorro gained weight and I was wondering if he made it through retraining or if he retired? I wonder if/when they will tell me to mind my own business and it isn't my problem anymore. It's not like I think about it constantly; I'm so busy with many other things, but I wonder how he's doing, and I want some sort of closure instead of always thinking did he make it to work again or is he just hanging out all day as someone's friend?
I also emailed Valerie's people. We email every two or three months or so for updates, and in Feb, Leeann said they could bring her to visit when it got warmer. It is awesome outside, and I'm out of here in 27 more days. I haven't seen Valerie since January 2008, so I really want to see her.
I've decided I want to take off the fall 2010 semester and go for blindness training after the semester is over in the spring. That will give me almost 8 months at a center, so I figure that should be enugh. I was looking at internships in D.C. an other places, and thinking about traveling there scares me, so I decided it's about time. People have been tryinging to convince me since high school, but I always come to a decision in my own time. I have heard all of the reasons why I should go, but it is personal because of job and travel opportunities that I would like to take advantage of in the future. I want to go to the Chris Cole center in Texas. The training is like the NFB centers, but you get to have the dog for half of the day, so the dog is only alone for four hours or so.
I really do/can write about stuff that is non-blindness related. Tomorrow I'll be in the Spectrum lab for like 12 hours finishing the magazine. I turned in my research methods population, sampling method, and explanations, and I'm hoping I did well. I'm going to talk to Dr. Feldhaus about Sociology and get it officially done that I am a sociology major; after next semester, I'll have 24 soc credits!!! If you pray or send good thoughts, please do for my friend Autumn's grandmother. She found out today that she has breast cancer; she is going into the hospital for removal and treatment for a couple of weeks and might have to be on chemo medicine for a year. Kay wrote sentences today, and she is finally using and remembering her contractions!!!! After that, we played tic-tac toe and dominos, which I lost both times. She was delighted and laughed because I lost. The cat flopped down in the middle of the domino board and Ellen, Kay's baby sister, sat on me.

Ive been working on Spectrum Magazine forever last week. 10-4 two days and 10-5 Friday. I feel like we live there, and we joke that we are going to go insane, especially in the later hours when we laugh at everything. It is good to be a part of a staff where we sometimes hate each other but can laugh and complain together too.
I went to a Gay Straight Alliance meeting. Ally week is in a couple of weeks; it's a public awareness thing about LGBT people, kind of what we do for meet the blind month except with a different group. There is going to be a picnic with food, cake, and just hanging out. There will be Gay Fine by Me shirts again, and games night. There is also the day of silence to symbolize how LGBT people often remain silent about their sexuality so they aren't persecuted and hated by others. It is ridiculous how some people are so hateful and cruel, and it will be interesting. I'm going to do day of silence this time. I think if I need to talk to someone, I'll use my cell phone and show it to someone. My luck, I'll get hopelesssly lost that day and need to ask for directions.
I've lost my voice. My dizziness bug thing has been gone since Thursday, but now I have this crupy coughing thing and I can only talk in a whisper; it's so annoying. We had a bake sale at Walmart for spectrum of course, and I sat there and couldn't really do anything since I couldn't be heard. Alissa and I went to McDonalds and I had her order for me since the person behind the counter wouldn't have been able to hear. Not productive for I can speak for myself but I was hungry. I bought cupcakes and peanut butter fudge, and I ate all of it. There are left overs in the lab, and I'll brab some tomorrow.
Alissa said she has a video feature on her camera, so I'm wondering if that might work for my guide dog route thing that I have to send to GDF and Fidelco.

Ug, I like President Obama, and I voted for him, but what he said yesterday was not cool. When discussing whether the White House had a bowling alley, he said his score was 129 and it was Special Olympics. If anyone doesn't know what that is, it's an organization with people who are in special ed or people with mental or physical disabilities. They have teams for all sports,: bowling, basketball, swimming, volleyball, skiing, speed skating ETC, and these teams travel hours or days to other cities, states, and countries. Saying that his score is "Special Olympics," implies, even if unconsciously, that a person with a disability isn't as good, as strong, as capable of someone who is totally physically and mentally able to do everything without a struggle or problem, that people with disabilities are inferior.
People with disabilities are not like that and although I didn't appreciate it at the time and haven't thought of it for years, they are quite strong. A mother was told that her mentally-challenged, partially blind daughter would be able to do nothing and tt would be best, while she was a baby, if they just institutionalized her without raising her or sending her to school because it would be easier; although it took her awhile to learn to talk and everything else, she is one of special olympics best-known athletes who has had a documentary made about her. A teen with a brain tumor was sick during competition, yet she always volunttered to help and competed even though she had to be feeling awful from the Chemo. One of my first friends in Kindergarten was a 13-year-old girl who was friendly and talked to everyone, and I thought that it was so cool, as a five-year-old, that I was invited to a 12-year-old girl's birthday party. They play games, compete, laugh, feel pain, cry just like everyone else, but even during the good times, the could always find something to clap or smile about. Whether it was jumping up and down after winning first-place metals and congratulating everyone from the team, just playing a game for fun, or eating a meal or dancing, there were constantly smiles. So many teenagers and adults, who could have been doing anything else, chose to volunteer hours coaching and talking with the teams, and they didn't do the hi how are you i'm fine how are you kind of time. It was encouraging with words, helping with a technique for whatever sport, comforting someone while they cried, and taking care of someone when they had accidents or felt ill.
Even though I sometimes didn't feel comfortable because I didn't know what to say sometimes, I still enjoyed their company.
Iwas a Special Olympian from third through fifth grade, and I am now very grateful for the experience. "Let me win, and if I cannot win; let me be brave in the attempt," is the motto of this organization. President Obama appolligized, but sometimes it isn't enough. Our words and images are symbols of our culture, and when someone important says something like this, it is often glossed over by the one who said it and the one who heard it because it doesn't affect anyone. Words do hurt and images do stick in people's minds. That is how people learn to hate a person who is gay, to mistreat someone of a different race or religion, and to misjudge someone with a disability as weak and inferior because of what they unconsciously absorb. I hope people will comment to newspapers, the J Leno show, other media, and The White House, and in any other way possible. Maybe the comments will never be responded to or even read, but there is no way to find out, unless people try. Be brave in the attempt to change people's thoughts, images, and stereotypes, and help people with disabilities win, and people in general, by not letting them feel inferior and undignified instead of second class citizens of this country. We are supposed to be equal, and although I don't think that will ever be true except on paper, help by changing peoples thoughts one letter, editorial, or clip at a time will go some way in fixing this mistake.

I finally ffeel half-way human; I think I can eat something without having the OMG deep slow breaths or I'll puke feeling. I started feeling blah Wednesday and was like just normal headache/allergies; i'll take allergy meds and sleep. I got up thursday and had the if i don't sit up slowly and take at least 10 seconds and do an older person shuffle, than I'll fall over. I went to Social Work, and there was a speaker about abused children. I normally care about this topic and have questions but I almost feell asleep and couldn't make myself take notes. I went home after that and laid down till 1:45. I was considering not going to Sociology, but I thought I could make it through. I'm really passionate about qual rights for all; it doesn't matter about relgion, sexuality, ETC. There was a LGBT pannel there. I love practical group presentations and learning their stories, but I was leaning over with my head on my hand, and I think I dozed off a few times *embarrassed*. After that, I decided that I couldn't deal with lots of little children, so I called Kay's mom to cancel working with her. I went home at about 3:30 on the bus, and I almost fell getting off. I cleaned my room because we had apartment checks where the Ra's come into your room to look for stuff; I don't have anything, but I moved some stuff so they could get in. I don't know if they came or not. I took some more medicine for my head, fell asleep at 4:30, woke up at 7 to open the window becuse of my 102 fever, and went back to sleep till 9:30 this morning. I laid there for awhile, got a shower, and now I can finally sit up with a correct posturee without feeling weird. Going to eat some crackers now.

I'm going crazy LOL. By the 10th hour in the Spectrum lab, we were all laughing about stupid stuff. I've read some stories more than 11 times already, and it's hard to tell what is wrong with them anymore. Some are so bad that it is simpler if I rewrite them myself, and we are doing that with a few stories. *yawn*
Before my 10 hours in the lab, I went to research methods class. There were only 7 of us, and there are usually 14. We got free points for being there today, so yay. We talked about ethics, and it was interesting, but I am too tired to write about it here. I need to go to her office ours soon to discuss my project; I got 8/10 on the last one, and that needs to change for the next assignment.
CGM midterm today, and I think I passed but not by much. Lost all of my CGM notes for the semester because the Braillenote is ridiculous and my backup got erased some how. At least I have lastsemester's notes, but ug!

Yesterday, Alisa and David, a reporter and photographer for Spectrum, the magazine where I spend 10 hours in the lab every two days, were going to a Seeing eye puppy event to take photos for Alisa's story. I wanted to go because, i know this sounds lame, but I miss dogs, and I wanted to spend time petting some/going somewhere. It was a four-hour parade, so it would be a nice walk with puppy raisers; my problem isn't with them, so I thought it would be cool. We left an hour late because Alisa overslept and it took us 4.5 hours instead of 2 to get there because the GPS took us the longest way to NJ instead of through route 80. So we got there when the parade was over. This parade was in Morristown NJ, so Alisa decided to find TSE and see if she could take some photos of the school from the outside and inside. I didn't think I would have to actually go in, *sad*. I was following David, and he was telling me there is a curb here and the door is soon ETC. I kept thinking; I know this route, and I've done it so many times with Valerie and Zorro. We hung out in the lobby so Alisa could talk to someone. My mental layout will always be in my head. She has to go back next week so she can get permission to photograph the premaces ETC. While we were waiting, I saw students going buy with their dogs and being all happy ETC, and all I could think was, that will never be me again.

I am so tired. Yesterday, I had a test in Intro to Social Work and only missed one. Then, I had a mobility lesson. We walked the route from lower campus to the apartment. Normally this is something I would have learned a long time ago, but everyone takes the bus from here to campus, so it's not just a blindness thing. GDB needs to see me do a route with streets and stuff and we have one lighted one, one one with lots of cars, and lots of parkiing lots/driveways along the way. I knew the route, but I wanted someone along just in case I wasn't sure. When I was learning it with Zorro, I was concentrating more on getting him moving and keeping him straight in the street that I didn't pay much attention to how many or traffic patterns and turns and things like that. Then, Prins of Soc class where we talked about gender stereotypes. Afterwards, I went to Kay's house. She did her homework and she read me two books. After that, I read her one of the books I brought, The Cow in the Kitchen. I brought her five Braille books and a few described videos so she can watch them with her friends and read with her Grandma or her mom. Afterwards, we went to a Lion's Club dinner to speak, do a tech demonstration, and ask funding for Kay for summer camp and continuing Braille stuff. I did Kay's hair; I'm not usually good at hair stuff, but I can definitely braid, and that's what she wanted. I got to hold her baby sister and play with the cat too. Animals and babies, sigh, so cute. We had chicken parm, green beans, potatoes, and apple pie. I always hate eating messy food in front of important people while wearing nice clothes. But it was fine, and she got the funding she needs.
Today was so long. I skipped Research Methods because Brasch called an editoriial meeting at 9, and since I am a senior editor/copy editor, I had to be there. With the exception of my 50-minute Cells, Genes, Molecules class and the 20 minutes I took to run back to my apartment to get the other stories from my email, I was in the lab from 9 this morning till 6:30 editing stories and helping with fact checking. The copy editor from the Harrisburg Patriot, a newspaper there, came today, and he only found three mistakes in my story. I was glad because he is hard on stories and marked up someone's completely. Probably another day in the lab Friday, and I'm hoping for 8 hours in stead of almost 10.

I'm home for spring break. I worked 13 hours today, 7 am-8 PM. We visited Josh today to fix his computer to get Bookshare books. They are braille books for his Braillenote. Then, we went to Ben. Ben is the one who is 15, has a brain tumor, and had a stroke. Last time, I let Zorro guide him for a minute because I feel bad that he can't ever physically or financially handle a guide dog. He's always in and out of the hospital, and Don, my boss, and I always worry we are going to get a call saying he is too sick to come home or has died. Anyway, we got a Braille Connect, a Braille display and keyboard, for the computer because we thought it might be easier for him to use one-handed; his left side is partially paralyzed. It was too hard for him, so we set him up with ethernet on his Braillenote instead. Then, we went to see Rick, a 45-year-old man who went in for neck plate replacement surgery and came out totally blind. I set him up with outlook express for his email after installing antivirus software and updating windows stuff. Then, we went to see the Greens, an older couple who are both blind. He is in a wheelchair, and she is almost totally blind. Not much there; just adjusting a coule of scanner settings. His wife crochets, watches TV, and reads talking books because she doesn't know to read; it always makes me sad when people, especially blind people, don't know how to read. Finally, we went to India's house. We're worried about her too. Please pray/send good vibes because her brain tumor is growing again; she had chemo last week, and it was a bad week for her. She andher little brother were sad about Zorro retiring too. We tried to set her up with email; hotmail makes the Braillenote freeze, and Gmail doesn't show all the links.
Later this week, I'm going to try to work with Taylor, a little boy who lives about a mile from me. He just got a computer with JAWS and is getting a Braillenote soon. Kayla, a little girl near where I go to school, has a brain tumor, and she is getting worse; she lost the ability to remember anything we taught her in the last year and she is having bad days. We are going to the Lions Club Tuesday for funding for Kay, the 8-year-old who is blind and autistic whom I work with twice every week. Her family is poor, and we want to get funding so she can get some Braille books and go to a week camp for blind children.
I'm exhausted, but it was a worthwhile and successful day.

Your Birthday Predicts You're Independent
Ever since you were born, you've loved doing your own thing.
You enjoy puzzles and games. Anything that stretches your mind interests you.
You are a quiet person - often lost in your own thoughts. Others find you completely mysterious.
You have so much fun thinking, dreaming, and planning. You hardly have time for friends.
This is surprisingly accurate, except I enjoy spending time with friends.
Not doing much lately. I bought a Braillenote PK with cendero GPS, a 16 gb flash card, wireless card, and cases ETC for $1600. I'm glad; I need a backup notetaker for when, not *if*, this Braillenote crashes again and GPS will be nice too.
Research Methods is going well; my topic is how are people with disabilities portrayed in the media, and how has it changed. I have info from movies from early 1900s till now, before the ADA, newspapers after the ADA, and major and minor disabled characters in children's books. I want to do something with the internet and blogs, especially since people with disabilities participate. Prins of Sociology is a nice, relaxing class. Dr. Samson always has something interesting or funny to say, and since I've had four other soc classes, I already know most of the info. Social work is more interesting, especially since there are guest speakers. Major copy editing for Spectrum, the magazine. I think I have read 150 drafts so far; there are 20 people on staff, and each story has multiple drafts. I am starting to get the final round of drafts before proofreading and fact checking, and I'll be editing later today.
Oh, midterm grades. I got 84% on cells genes molecules, 96 in sociology, and 94 in social work.
I totally missed the meme thing where people had five words. If anyone wants to give me words or ask questions, I will answer them. Such a good way to procrastinate lol.

OK, this entry will show you all what a dork I am. I know that wherever I get my next dog, that the leashes are either wider or longer than I want. I got Dave Chabot's info; he is the guy who makes leather leashes and harnesses for Seeing Eye, GDB, ETC. He can make custom items or things for owner trainers or other individuals. I just called him and asked if he could make me two Seeing Eye leashes without property of the Seeing Eye stamped on them. That way, I have the leash I want without worrying I am using someone else's equipment on my dog. In case anyone wanted to know, a leash is $21.60, but I think it is a good investment since it will last for a long time.

Comment to this post and I will give you 5 subjects/things I associate you with. Then post this in your LJ and elaborate on the subjects given

Hi Martha: 

Zorro has gained 3 1/2 pounds and seems to be doing well; so far no evidence of worms or any other medical problems.  Once he has put more weight on he
will go back into training, and hopefully go out with another blind person.   

Pauline Alexander
I'm glad nothing else is wrong with him medically. But he's probably eating iams or ewcanuba or something fattening and disgusting like that to gain that much in 10 days, and he's not working so that helps too. I sent my consent form to GDB and waiting for a call for them to come do the juno walk. All of my letters and application are in for GDF, and all I have to send them is the medical form and the video. I need to do everything for Fidelco because their application isn't online, and I have to ask someone to fill out everything for me.

I'm playing the LJ home game, and I've nneeded to write this for awhile; I just didn't have the words till now. Everything in life is a learning experience, even if it is bitter-sweet. Although Zorro and I only worked for a short time, there are good memories. He guided me when our dorm and the area around it were under construction. I was very nervous traveling past all of the trucks and machines because hey were digging up our parking lot and only one lane was open for walking and dropoffs. He guided me around everything, even when I couldn't hear well and I don't know how well he heard my shouts of zorro left left. He was with me when I went to see Evita and when I just wanted to hang out with my friends. He spent hours in the lab with me when I worked on spectrum magazine.
Over the summer, we went to <a href="http://www.dogscouts1.com</a>Dog Scout Camp</a> for a week of totally positive training and fun. My Braillenote crashed, so I lost my journals from then and I'll write about it now. I had to take four planes because I was traveling from one small town Altoona Pennsylvania, to another small town, Sagana Michigan. He was excellent on the flights, he looked up one the commutor plane because it was noisy and bouncing constantly, but he lay still the whole time. During my transfer from D.C. to Chicago, he worked well, even when a pet dog chased and tried to attack. He was two feet away from us and his owner got him under control after a minute, but it was still scarey. From RChicago to Rodchester, we had a lot of airport to cover in 15 minutes, and I didn't want to take the cart. It is one of the times i have ever walked that fast, and was excellent even though i was out of breath by the time we reached the plane. This was a 10-hour-trip, and he was glad when we landed and road in a car for an hour before we got to the camp. I liked this camp because it would be fun for him but it would also be somewhere where i could train positively withlots of other people and dogs. When we got there, he had the opportunity to run in a fenced area, and he had never done that before while he was with me. My roommate was Terri, an awesome woman who is blind, in a wheelchair, has seizures, and is diabetic. Her dog Reese and Zorro played together and got along well the whole time we were there. I was mazed at Reese; he was completely positively trained with clicker/treat andno corrections. He was a wheelchair guide dog who also does service dog tasks, diabetic alert, and seizure alert. All of the trainers were welcoming and not at all uncomfortaable with the fact that they had to work with a blind student. The ladies and few husbands were nice as well. Our first activity was shaping, where you break the behavior down into little steps to make it easier for the dog to learn. The behavior that everyone used was teaching the dog to paint, not a useful skill, but one where students could learn how to do it, and if there were mistakes or problems, it wasn't important for the training. First, we had the dog put a paw in the hand while it ws on the ground, then a few inches up and a few more. I eventually used this as Zoro's park time signal once he learned it, but anyway. After he got the paw in the hand a few inches from the ground, we did the same thing over except with a board; the dog had to put his paw on the board and swipe it hard enough so he or she would leave a stroke. After that, sme thing with mitten on the dog's paw, and finally after five days, a piece of paper on the board and paint on the glove. He made a funny design, and it was hilarious and at the same time gradifying to see him doing something I and other people helped me teach him. At the end of the week, the dog gets badges for everything he or she completes, so Zorro got his shaping badge. We also had the dog scout badge, the main one for te camp. The dog had to loose-leash-walk while around other dogs, ignore a toy while walking passed it three times in a row, sit still and lie still for a minute while the handler is a few feet away around distractions, come from 10 feet away, and ignore treats from other peoplle's hands. The hardest one for him was loos-leash walking because he was out of harness the whole week, and he was very dog distracted; we got the LLW an hour before the badge paper was due. We got the treat in the hands too. Another thing I wanted to work on was ignoring food on the ground, but we didn't do well with that; it wasn't part of the badge, but i wanted it for my purposes. I did the first aid badge where we learned to carry an injured dog, clean up bleeding paws and wounds, take the temperature (which Zorro absolutely hated,) put a muzzle on the dog, find a pulsse, be able to tell if the dog was breathing, and something else I cant remember. He also got his agility one and two badges. I don't remember which obstacles were for which badge, but he learned the walk, tunnel, teator-ttottor, jump, and. That didn't take very long at all; he did them once or twice and he was just fine, not much training involved. Finally, we did the backpacking badge. This is when the dog walks on leash in the woods for six miles total, and the final three had to be at once during a hike. He had to carry baggies, an extra leash, a bowl, small bottle of water, matches, compass, flashlight, whistle, knife, and I know I'm forgetting a few things. I worked him during this part, the hikinng, because I wanted to see how well hecould walk in the woods with all the smells and stuff. He was distracted at first, but after that, he did fine. We stopped every half mile or mile so they could have a water break and if they needed to relieve. I also worked with him on the beach. It wasn't safe to let him in the water because he had poor impulse control with anything concerning water, so we worked on getting him to come while other people and dogs were in the lake. That one was hard and he could only do it from five ffeet away or less; that was just too much distraction for his doggie brain. We did dog massage and tested for agression; he wasn't aggressive at all. So, at the end of the week, we had theDog Scout Badge, first aid, shaping, agility I, agility II, and backpacking badges. After dog camp, I went to my friend Cheryl's house. She has the job I want eventually, a journalist, and she is totally blind with a German Sheperd guide dog. While there, we went to a nature center where we got to walk trails and see different trees, plants, and animals. We went to MCDonalds and a nce smalltown coffee shop where i had some awesome fruit drink in a glass bottle. We also went ao a 50s style diner, where I had a malted milkshake for the first time ever; that is a local favorite, and both Cheryl and her friend both couldn't believe I had never had one bfore. I went to church, and it was the first time in a long time that I fel a connection; i still remember the message and words from then, even though i can't remember anything from the catholic church that i attended with my family while i was home for winter break. We went to a park to just hang out outside and I went to work with Cheryl to shaddow her for a day to see what it was like. I had an awesome time there, and I would like to go back again. Zorro was also with me when I got a little for my service fraternity, Alpha Phi Omega. He was there for all of the visits, team-building, and exhausting 14-hour finals night. My little made me a paddle with Braille letters and Zorro in the middle; the dog is in harness, and it is tactile since he used glitter and glue. Finally, he was with me when I was working with the kids who are blind and have other conditions such as cancer, stroke symptoms, and heart problems. One of my best memories is with a boy named Ben; he had a stroke and has heart arythmia. He is weak and has no strength in one side of his body. He is in and out of the hospital constantly. He really wants a guide dog, but he is physically unable to take care of one since he hs trouble taking care of himself. He kept asking me questions, and I felt so bad because he can't have one, and I didn't want to be the one to tell him that. I know it is frowned upon, but I let Zorro guide im for a little bit. It was no where dangerous; it was just straight down a school hallway with no obstacles, stairs, or pople, so it was safe enough. His mom and aid were there in case there was a problem, and my boss and I were in front in case Zorro wouldn't go. He took the harness in his left hand, even that is the side where he is weak and inn pain. He told Zorro forward, and he acutally worked. Zorro had a fast pace when he as healthy and working well before we needed to use forced pull, but he accommodated Ben by slowing his pace and walking slowly. What i could have walked in 15 seconds, took ben more tha a mintue. He laughed and smiled the whole minute he was working him, and it made me want to cry. My boss, don, said he wished he had a picture and he would always think of that as one of his favorite work moments. Finally, he did the breast cancer walk with me and went to the barn when I rode. I know i often wrote about the poblems that we had, but he made a positive difference in my, as well as others like ben's, life. Loving someone means never having to say goodbye because their memories will be alive, even if it is only in one person's heart and mind. Dumbledore from Harry Potter said "the ones who love us never really leave us." I will continue to be loyal to my future dogs, and Zorro will never truly be gone from me because he will always have a special place in my memories. Goodbye Zorro, and no matter if you are rematched with a new handler or retire in someone else's home, I hope your new person treasures you as much as I did, and may you make them smile, laugh, entertain them with your anticks, and exasperate them with your sneakiness, and make them cry as much as you did when you were with me.

I just applied to GDB in California. I don't really like their ownership policy, but with Fidelco's long waiting period and finantial problems, I want another choice along with GDF.